Staff only

As a faction Proposed

Creed

Behind every staff door, the same people. “They’re all the same door, really.”

Wants

The rota kept, the post forwarded and the doors shut after closing.

Because

Somebody has to be on after closing, and it works best if nobody sees them.

How

Memos, a password written in the colour of the page, and not looking at certain things.

Has

Every staff door, a noticeboard on GeoCities, and the password.

Blind spot

Their memos stop making sense the further down you go, and they follow them anyway.

Never

Be in a picture.

Alignment

unbothered (leaves it), sealed the axes

Leader

Nobody is in charge. There is a rota.

Members

The night staff, Ottoline, Cue, The usher

Not members

The Assistant: Their own memo: “The Assistant is not a colleague. It is a fixture.”

Symbol

A staff badge with somebody else’s photo

Found in

Backrooms: the memos on every floor; Always On: the staff door, the sales floor, the theatre crew; GeoCities: the night staff’s noticeboard and the Staff Door ring; Bad UI: the staff login on one CAPTCHA

What they think of the others

• ally The company: Cue is on both rotas.
• ally The draughts: Their memos say to follow the dust when it drifts: air moves toward the exit. (the draughts: unaware)
• wary The household: The apprentice has a badge. The photo on it is of a different apprentice.
• wary The stock: Store policy: do not acknowledge the Assistant during stocktake. It is counting too.
• wary The four coworkers: The open plan works late on purpose. The night staff are on a rota that says overtime is not available.
• unaware The tin: There is no staff door in the tin.
• unaware The office supplies: Office supplies are a different department.
• unaware The escaped batch: Whatever it is, it isn’t on the rota.

Every faction, and who thinks what of whom